Wednesday, July 20, 2011

|| cheat·ing || - - - [ part 2 ]

justifying the act of cheating is a never ending rebuttal of questioning reasons for vague thoughts of what society perceives or mandates a relationship to be.

judgment after an assumption. truth behind a lie or the other way around. either or, one point of the other on another. relationships will always have its fair share of pain, anger, misery and the rest of the company. (am not being cynical, am being realistic and honest in what normally happens within relationships. not just romantic relationships, even friendships and those with colleagues and family members. pain is normal, anger is normal, having emotions are what makes us human.)

i drift back to reality after reaching a sweet escape into mindless selfishness after my first puff. "cheating. cheating. cheating. cheating."

i believe cheating to be part of life's undying cycle. people cheat, people get cheated on. couples learn valuable lessons and let go of shameful memories. some think of cheating as the end of a relationship while others find it rather intriguing from a different angle.

the guilt of a two faced man devouring ill values during the orchestration of tempting oneself to be engulfed by the hedonist facade of cheating as an act.

given the thought of cheating, compromises of it having possible justification or momentary grievance, i ask myself. whats in it after cheating?

(to be continued // anatomy of a cheating man...)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

|| cheat·ing || - - - [ part 1 ]

(sorry for not being able to post my peeping tom experiences for the past couple of days. i have been out of town for business and nothing "happening" was going on. tragically, it was as boring as driving a stick shift for hours alone)

cheat·ing /–verb : to deceive; he cheated on his boyfriend with his boyfriend's friend.

11:00 PM // i woke up to the sound of a scorned man screaming at the top of his lungs over the telephone. my dear flatmate "kunin mo na lahat ng gamit mo dito! hindi ako magpapakita sayo! wala akong pakialam!". my body told me to stay away from the scene while my mind kept insisting i check whats going on. its given, my lazy ass kept on rubbing itself on the sweet russian sheets and back to dreamland it demanded.

2:30 AM // the emotional stains of silence has kept the condo cold and gloomy, traces of pain, anger and losing oneself filled the air with questions after speculations. i remained quiet in a corner puffing through clouds of assumption and and imagination.

3:00 AM // L arrived noisily amidst the remains of what seemed to be a spectator's vision of a relationship. i then asked him to accompany me downstairs to buy cigs, food and coke.

the normal "us" would go straight to the cigarettes and usual gossip about what happened to everyone else today. but this time, we waited for the perfect moment to talk about whatever we think it was. we were quiet for a while, we bought the things we wanted to buy and kept mum.

we got back to the condo but never entered, we stayed outside the door, sat with our food, drinks and cigs. L told me straight out "there were 3 huge garbage bags outside the condo earlier. they were N's things. R left it outside and was very angry" i told him straight out i heard what was going on, i heard the words R said and everything else in between.

i lit my stick slowly and looked L in the eye.

"it was cheating"
 to be continued...

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

♥ undefined boundaries // part deux

a relationship is unrecognizable unless heard both ways.

in every story, there will always be reasons unheard by people from outside yet given grace to facts that are seen only by those outside the relationship.

bestfriends G and J. upon recognizing the antics of love in numerous ways, questions have been asked. only G had the liberty of putting it out there.

it is said, that G and J have been friends online for the longest time.
it is said, that J confessed his feelings for G long ago.

but then, in between years and months, (we dont know where to start). its clear that they only met face to face last summer.

G confessed love to J.

somewhere along the lines of i dont know and lets not waste the friendship. it struck me like a dog electricuted, then cut into pieces, turned into stew and fed to dogs again.

what is wrong in this picture?

my deviant soul singing and screaming.

could it be that J fell in love with pictures of G and the man he is before they met in person? thus leaving bitter after taste upon the actual face to face conversation? could it be that J was attracted to G's picture and not G in person?

im amused by how they turned out. bestfriends? who are we joking here? really? cmon. we're not kids anymore.

its a fact, when you date a guy, you dont just date the guy, you date his friends and family as well. hmmm. depends if the guy is open to the family but going right back to where things are, you also date the set of friends the guy has.

could it be that J simply cant bid farewell since he likes the company he gets when he's with G?

its question after question.

if you really like a guy, no matter what "lets be friends" conversation you have, youd still be attracted to the guy and simply build a foundation of friendship before dropping the "i like you" line all over again.

hmmmm. is it me or am i too bad given my thoughts of another almost are?

is "lets be friends" another way of dumping a dude?

♥ undefined boundaries // part une

"i would call you up, every saturday night, and we'd both stay out, until the morning light, and we sang, here we go again, and though time goes by, i will always be, in a club with you, in 1973, singing here we go again"

i walked up to the cashier and paid for my beer and cigs when he walked in, looking effortlessly hot, i felt his warm hands touch my shoulders as he said hello.

i smiled and told him i had to go, i rushed off leaving my change behind. a gentleman he is, ran after me and screamed my name.

as i looked back, his body near mine. his breathe rummaged through my skin and held me in his arms. an accidental hug it is.

in front of the busy 8pm crowd, he asked me a question i dreaded hearing.

"why do you look naked?"

i bear to disagree. i was wearing really comfy summer shorts, and a purple shirt with relatively low neckline. hence the occasional nipple slip which is perfectly fine since im still a boy.

i answered without hesitation "its none of your business" and walked away.

the sky cried a fathomable amount of self questioning. i was in the middle of a horrible debate equivalent to the pain of a woman scorned through the perils of a cheating husband.

a minute walk and i couldnt care less. our time has long passed and whatever he does or wherever he is, is none of my business.

by the time i reached the elevator, the scent of nostalgic dances caressed me soulfully. the happy memories eluded my tender lips goodbye.

not a tear shed. i wished never to see him again.

in my quiet illusion of sweet nothings, i ended up calling my dear friend L for a stick chat. figuring out things and things beyond things, we routed for the usual questioning of whats wrong in everyone else's relationships thus leading us to bestfriends G and J.

to be continued...

(stick chat // dramatic exchanges while smoking)