Friday, January 14, 2011
doubt has always been a friend. proving momentary inquisitions travel my thoughts from north to south on a daily basis. questions that create even more questions are quite regular buddies of mine. i actually dont know if its a justifiable nuisance in my crazy head or just word play at some point... but hey, am happy.
im happy! im happy! and i shouldnt let memories dictate sadness over my entity. its a dark area with no colors and come to think about it, if my eyes arent fuzzy and weird. the world is such a colorful place. enjoying life is a daily must.
i came across 2 wonderful insights today with the help of 2 great conversations from 2 special boys. a reader (J) and my sissiebud (L). a havoc of incestuous stories which lead to a discussion of being superbitch with an alter ego of a manwhore.
// a conversation with J which made me realize that i have indeed learned from my previous mistakes. its just that the will to change ways from lessons learned is harder than expected yet the value of the lesson is there. mmm, regrets and flailing baggage. i retract a statement. i dont regret anything i have done, its just that i wish for the drive to embark on a new way given the lessons my heart has learned. love love. a beautiful concoction of the gods. to my sweet J, live your life the way life has to be lived. grabbing it by the balls and screaming on top of your lungs. be scared but love the feeling. its not everyday that we are all afraid of days to come. exciting temptations.
// funny moments with my dear sissiebud. tough love, unconditional love, reciprocated love or whatever kind of love there is. at the end of the day, love is love. its unquestionable. its beautiful. its like unlimiting the skies.its an infinite happiness like strawberry kisses and cinnamon rolls with vanilla milk on a daily basis. its something regular, sweet but lasting. undefinable. taking care of the love is hard but once its there, its there.
mmm, i may be a different kind or a different type or breed when it comes to love. seemingly evil and evil at times but when i give it, i give it. mmm, tonight i let it all go. all the inhibitions, the baggage, the drama, the pain, the guilt, and everything the past have filed on my desk. im happy. =)
lots of love.