Wednesday, November 30, 2011


homayghadddd! whats going on?!?!!

well, it just dawned on me... there is something terribly wrong with a lot of people in facebook. seriously. kahit friend ko eh may kulang. maluwag ang tornilyo sa utak or wala talagang turnilyo? ewan ko. na-stress ang beauty ko...

heniwei. i will post the stupid stuff ive read today.

DRB : "happiness is not a destination but a method of life" --- anudawwww? ate, hindi talaga siya destination... kasi hindi siya lugar.... method of life? ate... hindi din siya method. nagaral ka ba talaga? gurl!!! emotion siya. alam mo yung emotion? pakiramdam...

NV : "if you cannot trust the SNAKE, you also cannot trust the MONKEY" --- i love you ate, but you lost me at snake and monkey.

BT : "i want to see your cute brain" --- hanudaw? ate, i admire you cause of the things youve done, but based on certain common notions... cute naturally pertains to anything small. so are you saying "i want to see your small brain" ??? lost in the moment ang beauty ko...

BC : "i want STEAK. with lots and lots of gravy and mashed potato" --- teh, osso bucco ata gusto mo... steak is normally rare without all the fuss of starch and the likes. no gravy... pwedeng oil and very little lemon zest... well, thats if you really eat steak.

hay naku... ang mean ko na... madami pa yan... well. ay nakuuuu. lost lang ang beauty ko today... siguro kelangan ko ng bonggang bonggang sex!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

|| cheat·ing || - - - [ part 2 ]

justifying the act of cheating is a never ending rebuttal of questioning reasons for vague thoughts of what society perceives or mandates a relationship to be.

judgment after an assumption. truth behind a lie or the other way around. either or, one point of the other on another. relationships will always have its fair share of pain, anger, misery and the rest of the company. (am not being cynical, am being realistic and honest in what normally happens within relationships. not just romantic relationships, even friendships and those with colleagues and family members. pain is normal, anger is normal, having emotions are what makes us human.)

i drift back to reality after reaching a sweet escape into mindless selfishness after my first puff. "cheating. cheating. cheating. cheating."

i believe cheating to be part of life's undying cycle. people cheat, people get cheated on. couples learn valuable lessons and let go of shameful memories. some think of cheating as the end of a relationship while others find it rather intriguing from a different angle.

the guilt of a two faced man devouring ill values during the orchestration of tempting oneself to be engulfed by the hedonist facade of cheating as an act.

given the thought of cheating, compromises of it having possible justification or momentary grievance, i ask myself. whats in it after cheating?

(to be continued // anatomy of a cheating man...)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

|| cheat·ing || - - - [ part 1 ]

(sorry for not being able to post my peeping tom experiences for the past couple of days. i have been out of town for business and nothing "happening" was going on. tragically, it was as boring as driving a stick shift for hours alone)

cheat·ing /–verb : to deceive; he cheated on his boyfriend with his boyfriend's friend.

11:00 PM // i woke up to the sound of a scorned man screaming at the top of his lungs over the telephone. my dear flatmate "kunin mo na lahat ng gamit mo dito! hindi ako magpapakita sayo! wala akong pakialam!". my body told me to stay away from the scene while my mind kept insisting i check whats going on. its given, my lazy ass kept on rubbing itself on the sweet russian sheets and back to dreamland it demanded.

2:30 AM // the emotional stains of silence has kept the condo cold and gloomy, traces of pain, anger and losing oneself filled the air with questions after speculations. i remained quiet in a corner puffing through clouds of assumption and and imagination.

3:00 AM // L arrived noisily amidst the remains of what seemed to be a spectator's vision of a relationship. i then asked him to accompany me downstairs to buy cigs, food and coke.

the normal "us" would go straight to the cigarettes and usual gossip about what happened to everyone else today. but this time, we waited for the perfect moment to talk about whatever we think it was. we were quiet for a while, we bought the things we wanted to buy and kept mum.

we got back to the condo but never entered, we stayed outside the door, sat with our food, drinks and cigs. L told me straight out "there were 3 huge garbage bags outside the condo earlier. they were N's things. R left it outside and was very angry" i told him straight out i heard what was going on, i heard the words R said and everything else in between.

i lit my stick slowly and looked L in the eye.

"it was cheating"
 to be continued...

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

♥ undefined boundaries // part deux

a relationship is unrecognizable unless heard both ways.

in every story, there will always be reasons unheard by people from outside yet given grace to facts that are seen only by those outside the relationship.

bestfriends G and J. upon recognizing the antics of love in numerous ways, questions have been asked. only G had the liberty of putting it out there.

it is said, that G and J have been friends online for the longest time.
it is said, that J confessed his feelings for G long ago.

but then, in between years and months, (we dont know where to start). its clear that they only met face to face last summer.

G confessed love to J.

somewhere along the lines of i dont know and lets not waste the friendship. it struck me like a dog electricuted, then cut into pieces, turned into stew and fed to dogs again.

what is wrong in this picture?

my deviant soul singing and screaming.

could it be that J fell in love with pictures of G and the man he is before they met in person? thus leaving bitter after taste upon the actual face to face conversation? could it be that J was attracted to G's picture and not G in person?

im amused by how they turned out. bestfriends? who are we joking here? really? cmon. we're not kids anymore.

its a fact, when you date a guy, you dont just date the guy, you date his friends and family as well. hmmm. depends if the guy is open to the family but going right back to where things are, you also date the set of friends the guy has.

could it be that J simply cant bid farewell since he likes the company he gets when he's with G?

its question after question.

if you really like a guy, no matter what "lets be friends" conversation you have, youd still be attracted to the guy and simply build a foundation of friendship before dropping the "i like you" line all over again.

hmmmm. is it me or am i too bad given my thoughts of another almost are?

is "lets be friends" another way of dumping a dude?

♥ undefined boundaries // part une

"i would call you up, every saturday night, and we'd both stay out, until the morning light, and we sang, here we go again, and though time goes by, i will always be, in a club with you, in 1973, singing here we go again"

i walked up to the cashier and paid for my beer and cigs when he walked in, looking effortlessly hot, i felt his warm hands touch my shoulders as he said hello.

i smiled and told him i had to go, i rushed off leaving my change behind. a gentleman he is, ran after me and screamed my name.

as i looked back, his body near mine. his breathe rummaged through my skin and held me in his arms. an accidental hug it is.

in front of the busy 8pm crowd, he asked me a question i dreaded hearing.

"why do you look naked?"

i bear to disagree. i was wearing really comfy summer shorts, and a purple shirt with relatively low neckline. hence the occasional nipple slip which is perfectly fine since im still a boy.

i answered without hesitation "its none of your business" and walked away.

the sky cried a fathomable amount of self questioning. i was in the middle of a horrible debate equivalent to the pain of a woman scorned through the perils of a cheating husband.

a minute walk and i couldnt care less. our time has long passed and whatever he does or wherever he is, is none of my business.

by the time i reached the elevator, the scent of nostalgic dances caressed me soulfully. the happy memories eluded my tender lips goodbye.

not a tear shed. i wished never to see him again.

in my quiet illusion of sweet nothings, i ended up calling my dear friend L for a stick chat. figuring out things and things beyond things, we routed for the usual questioning of whats wrong in everyone else's relationships thus leading us to bestfriends G and J.

to be continued...

(stick chat // dramatic exchanges while smoking)

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

*a vow i keep*

they say love stories are written in the sky.
that it lives forever within today's eye.
with memories that do not die.
in my heart, i know it doesn't lie.
in the many faces that touched my life,
the smiles and glances I've seen gone by,
to the gloom of broken hearts, i say goodbye.

in my past life, i know i was with you.

seeing you each and every day,
the tender hugs and soft kisses goodnight,
i know its the only thing on my mind.

in this life, i believe im for you.

holding your hands through the rain,
dancing in the street with no name,
i know in this life, its meant to be.

when a hundred years fly by.
with love and joy on the day i die.
i will dream about you and i.

in the next life i'll seek again.
for the love of you and i.

because by then, im certain.

we'll be together again.

Friday, January 14, 2011

*quilted memories with a side of baggage*

 this post is best read while listening to james morrison's - you give me something. LOVE LOVE

doubt has always been a friend. proving momentary inquisitions travel my thoughts from north to south on a daily basis. questions that create even more questions are quite regular buddies of mine. i actually dont know if its a justifiable nuisance in my crazy head or just word play at some point... but hey, am happy.

im happy! im happy! and i shouldnt let memories dictate sadness over my entity. its a dark area with no colors and come to think about it, if my eyes arent fuzzy and weird. the world is such a colorful place. enjoying life is a daily must.

i came across 2 wonderful insights today with the help of 2 great conversations from 2 special boys. a reader (J) and my sissiebud (L). a havoc of incestuous stories which lead to a discussion of being superbitch with an alter ego of a manwhore.

// a conversation with J which made me realize that i have indeed learned from my previous mistakes. its just that the will to change ways from lessons learned is harder than expected yet the value of the lesson is there. mmm, regrets and flailing baggage. i retract a statement. i dont regret anything i have done, its just that i wish for the drive to embark on a new way given the lessons my heart has learned. love love. a beautiful concoction of the gods. to my sweet J, live your life the way life has to be lived. grabbing it by the balls and screaming on top of your lungs. be scared but love the feeling. its not everyday that we are all afraid of days to come. exciting temptations.

// funny moments with my dear sissiebud. tough love, unconditional love, reciprocated love or whatever kind of love there is. at the end of the day, love is love. its unquestionable. its beautiful. its like unlimiting the skies.its an infinite happiness like strawberry kisses and cinnamon rolls with vanilla milk on a daily basis. its something regular, sweet but lasting. undefinable. taking care of the love is hard but once its there, its there.

mmm, i may be a different kind or a different type or breed when it comes to love. seemingly evil and evil at times but when i give it, i give it. mmm, tonight i let it all go. all the inhibitions, the baggage, the drama, the pain, the guilt, and everything the past have filed on my desk. im happy. =)

lots of love.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

*old woman - old story*

(overheard a conversation at mmc)

matandang babae...

83 years old...

nag takong...


nabagok ang ulo...


may amnesia...